Sigh. SORRY. I had a quick pic post planned…. pppppp…. and then, um, I fell asleep.
Me: *curling up with book in bed* It’s all good, I’m SURE I’ll remember to post real quick before…. *zzzzzzzzzzz*
It’s been a long few days.
I don’t know how to say this without sounding like a horrible person, but I hate Christmas.
Christmas….feels like the emotional equivalent of a root canal even during the best of times and this Christmas…was not the best of times.
I say that. And. I was with my love and my beautiful boy. Our generous, kind, AMAZING family sent us all packages of thoughtful, awesome, beautifully wrapped gifts. My Austin sister spent the day with us and brought her PUPPIES. We watched movies, honored old traditions and made some new ones. There was delicious food.
AND. IT WAS STILL HARD AND FULL OF SUCKITUDE.
A gift I have given to myself is the gift of having my feelings, all of them. It sucks, a lot of the time, since the well of sadness, anger and fear seems bottomless. At times. Sometimes, there is joy and love so deep and full, I don’t know if I’ll contain it.
Another gift I’ve given myself is that of Sovereignty. I am the queen! This means: I get to choose how I respond to my feelings.
Feelings, in general, like cravings, last for about 90 seconds…unless we plug in, attach and start running stories. Or get caught up in old feelings.
Feelings that we’ve stuffed or repressed….stay in our nervous system and tissues, ready to pop back up into the present moment…
Anyways, so yes, while I feel a lot of old stress, etc around Christmas times, I get to choose how I respond which is….I allow myself to have the feelings, to feel them and then let them go. As best I can.
And I get to choose tune into Truth. Yes, little truth is that my inner chemistry is awash, legitmally, in pain. And. Instead of focusing, attaching to the pain and getting lost in the STORIES that come to explain the pain, I can practice shifting my attention, once the feelings have been felt, to other things.
Qualities like: Joy. Trust. Hope. Strength. Courage. Flow.
Good things. Like, my husband, son, family, good food and beautiful presents. This blog, this community of strangers who have attached themselves to MGTW…because I am still too chicken to re-post to my FB.
Though, who knows…
PS–isn’t that the most HILARIOUS photo you’ve EVER SEEN? Bwhahahaha!