Ok. I have officially decided that while this is a daily blog (and I have been uber committed, yay me) Holidaze can have exceptions. Like yesterday. So yes. This is my living room after all… I get to make the rules, right?
….Mark Silver tweeted something recently about how “speaking our truth” and being “authentic” has led to lots of people being rude. In Non-Violent Communication, Rosenburg discusses how the fearless, authentic, and often inconsiderate assertion of self and its needs is a step in learning how to authentically communicate.
The process evolves, of course, as we learn that we can have our needs and be kind; ultimately, our needs are met most truly by taking others needs into consideration equally with our own. Truly, needs don’t conflict–desires, ideas, and strategies yes, but not needs.
So, as I consider sharing a blog link to my FB for the second time, I have been thinking about my use of cuss words on here. Yes, I like to swear. No, I don’t think there is anything morally wrong with cussing. Language…it’s a crazy symbolic thing, and for me, when I realized that thinking or saying certain words wasn’t going to lead to me burning in a pit of lava* for the ALL OF ETERNITY–it was in fact a Salvation moment… so every time I cuss, I am confirming my status as a child of God and reminding myself of my Freedom.
And, also, my living room, my rules? Swearing is part of how I authentically am…at the moment.
While this is my living room, and my rules go, I also want to welcome people I care about.
I want this to be a safe, beautiful, loving place.
Yes, I want this to be my home, and to be a real place–Life Happens, I won’t pretend otherwise.
But. If my use of cuss words leads to a lack of a sense of safety, then that is ultimately violent communication.
It’s also a miscommunication. While my intentions behind swearing are: release, Life, expression, play and fun…that doesn’t matter if others experience a lack of saftey.
Yes, people, your issues are your issues. But if I can make a minor adjustment while still honoring myself to allow for greater connection between us–then that’s what I want.
So. I am still going to swear on this blog. But I am going to adjust. There will be three categories/options.
1. When life calls for it, when my inner state requires it; real, spelled out curse words! Because I don’t have to care about ads or search engines! Christ, you guys, the censorship that comes from search engine parameters.** That said, if I am ever in Dooce or Jeph Jaques position to monetize, then yes, I’ll adjust even more. Probably?
2. Bleeped out c*&^ words. Because you know, symbols.
3. Funny, made up swear words! I still get the emphatic pleasure of saying something with feeling, and when I am upset and hear myself yelling FRACKING MONKEY BALLS, some part of me, even if it’s a very small piece, cracks the f&*% up and things are better, lighter. PLUS I GET TO MAKE UP WORDS. AND ENJOY PEOPLE’S FACES WHEN THEY HEAR ME USE THEM.
Me: FUDGING, FUDGE, FUDGING MONKEYS!
Random person: *what* Huh? And can I help you pick your bag of spilled groceries?
I get to express myself, which, IMPORTANT. I think the release of energy that comes with swearing, real or otherwise monkey based, is incredibly useful.***
And. Fun, lightness and humor (hopefully) are invoked.
Anyways. Thoughts. Not really sure how to gracefully close….so….Do what makes you happy and if hanging out with me does that, then, carry on. And if it doesn’t…well, it’s not like there isn’t something else on the internet likely to catch your fancy.
xoxox, bless my dears.
*I mean, who knows, maybe the Christians are right about this one. BALLS.
**No boobs, genitals or swearing. Not even for Chuck, Heather’s dog.
***Processing, moving through energy (which is what feelings are) is easier in the moment and better than the shenanigans that come if feeling energy gets repressed/stuffed. In my experience.
Easier. Not that it doesn’t suck and sometimes it isn’t possible or safe….there are good reasons to stuff…but as a general life policy, feeling in the moment so that they can release and be let go of is what I’m going for.