There was a day; soup therapy

1. Very Rough Night…as in…barely enough sleep to be functional. Actually wasn’t too functional; thankfully no one important noticed.

2. Amazing, perfect yoga class. Got that right at least. Very favorite teacher who is also a dear friend. (I’ve known her for….wow. Many years.) And she gave me a pair of designer jeans. Which fit like a dream.

Excellent pants alone = winning day.

3. David’s holiday recipe presentation went well. I remembered, through no merit on my part, to bake the cookies this morning. So, success! And he spoke loudly and clearly.

For a child who didn’t talk until four years of age this is just…stunning and my heart is filled with gratitude and awe.

4. Too long of a nap…woke up feeling SAD and DEPRESSED. Which cycles downward into the GUILT/SHAME/FEAR spiral of suckitude.

Made soup.*

Read and finished Ghost Brigade.

Drank some earl grey tea with steamed almond milk, because, GROGGY. One one mild cup. Resisted urge to make a second cup using my new Lavender Early Grey, which, SELF FIVE. Did not make yesterday’s INSANE and MORONIC mistake of COFFEE AFTER FIVE. (Hello, self sabotage? What’s up? I see you.)

Ate some bizcochitos. They’re gluten free, so no dandruff soldiers tomorrow.

NB: both kitties cuddled with me on the bed with minimal violence. Cleo is chilling out….by which I mean haughtily pretending King does not exist. King stays outside of her bubble. I get both my babies. WIN.

5. Washed mountain of dishes despite really not wanting too. But. They would still have been there in the morningexcept grosser

And John surprised and humbled me by washing all of yesterdays dishes (waking up to a clean kitchen and my lavender tea is the only way I managed to not drive off the bridge this morning)….some of which were his responsibility since I made dinner**, but at least half weren’t his, and let’s just say that the lines are drawn firmly in the sand when it comes to dish delegation.

He may not have had a choice though–the dishwasher was stuffed and is just now running and he may have needed to move the established mound before being able to tackle the dinner dishes.

(It takes some skill to make dinner with a sink/counter full of dirty dishes. But I am the woman for the job.)

I think he was also taking pity on me–I’ve been a bit rough this week.

6. The weather has taken a turn to the lovely….which, while, you know, lovely, is HARD on the system–all of these ups, downs, warm, cold, dry, wet….UG.

Seem to be staying healthy, though praise be. I mean, I’m working for it. Healthy food. As much sleep as possible. Exercise. No extreme….unhealthy habits. (sigh)

7. Neck is maintaining around 75% better. I can drive without searing pain/having to turn my whole torso to merge. But the severe shortening of my right sternoclediomastoid (I know I butchered the spelling) seems to be the default setting. Can feel the source in my hips. Feeling a bit despairing and annoyed. Unfortunately, there’s only so much denial to go around with something like this before it DEMANDS one’s attention.

8. As a somewhat drastic response to the depressions, I almost bought tickets to a musical show thing tomorrow night. However, budget concerns aside, I am a usually a drained mess after my Long Saturdays…not to mention that I have a deadline *ajklfdjkdjkldfjkl* and that tomorrow is the Solstice so there are Spiritual/Personal Obligations, and if I want to Sadhana….which I’m feeling like I felt about the dishes….I would be so completely unable to handle crowds and night driving…unable beyond the inability I’ll already be at after the bare minimum of tomorrow.

So yeah. I think I made the correct decision for future me….but maybe I’m also just LAME and stuck in my patterns of NEVER HAVING FUN.

Arg……… And, oh yeah, WINTER BREAK. Two weeks of feeling like a failure as a parent on a regular basis. Woooooo…

To sadhana or not? It’s Solstice. I’ve earned a super charged wish/seed planting ritual. And even with a few/several hours of work tomorrow, before the LONG part of my day, there is still plenty of time to sleep. I have soup, so food prep won’t be an issue and the house is….tolerably clean.

Or I could stay up, f*ck it style, and read The Last Colony.

But. The book will be there tomorrow and will taste so much better if it’s not being read from what I think are some of these self sabo patterns…. Blah, blah– Ok, bed. Goodnight.

Peace my dears.

—————–

*Tasty, but have not yet found a stock formula that blows me away. Need more bones.

**Roast turkey breast, mashed potatoes, mushroom gravy. NOMNOMNOMNOM.

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