Out of cat food, tampons; Grief

The pain has moved to my right side.

This is, I believe, healing in progress as my body realigns and releases a ton of crap, emotionally and physically speaking.

Hip circles continue to help, but have not been enough.

I have been crying this evening, keening wails thrown into the mix to make things interesting.

I do have reality reasons to be sad; my grandpa is not getting better, my friend’s mom just died and my favorite author’s husband is in the hospital.

Maybe I’m channeling the grief of others–it happens, maybe their grief triggered sorrow I have been out of touch with about my grandpa (likely)…maybe there were old, unprocessed feelings being exposed as my body realigns. (all likely)

The pain is close to debilitating and now it’s making me nauseated. It is the kind of pain that says; “Ok, you can make dinner, but no dishes and don’t even think about ashtanga tomorrow.” (Oh and I managed the cat box–also necessary.)

This was a problem because I worked all day–so exhausted–and when I came home (through a horror show of traffic, YE GODS) we were lacking certain necessities.

Necessitates that in the moment negate the lovely work day I had, despite the reaggravation of this excruciating neck thing and how quickly I was drained.

A quick walk to the neighborhood market solved the cat food issue. I am, er, improvising the other. …I just can’t risk anymore chemical exposure. I stole* a chem laden tampon from my yoga studio last night out of, obviously, sheer desperation and then I think my pho had MSG, which leads me to suspect a chemical connection to this whole neck aggravation.

I also bought organic wine.

Half a glass has done the trick–too upset and tired to drink anymore.**

I am a fragile canary in so many ways.

Going to hug my family close. Going to bed early with my book.

Planning on self soothing with, you know, work, house cleaning and turkey soup tomorrow.

Lots of love and gentleness for myself; I need to remember that any kind of mysterious, consistent, semi debilitating pain takes my nervous system back to past memories of the same. So, just an extra dose of scary.

Hope your evening is restful, relaxing and leads to deep, peaceful sleep.

—————-

*I mean, they are there for students to use, but I doubt they mean for you to take extras. If the toxic sh*t in the tampon is what triggered this neck attack, then well, karma has been served.

Speaking of, I did netti after I ate those cookies, but there was extra penance in the form of MASSIVE DANDRUFF, thank you very much wheat sensitivity.

**Maybe I can finish this glass. Maybe?

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