So. I was very dumb*and scooped up the King King Kitty from his comfy sleeping ball on the couch for snuggles while I self soothe with Lost Girl in my bedroom. NEVER DISTURB A SLEEPING CAT, SILLY.
(I was also motivated by guilt over having had Her Highness Cleo in my lap for most of the evening. I am afraid that if I don’t evenly distribute the affection, it will contribute to the Problem Yowling.)
It did not go well.
The bedroom is Cleo’s Territory…remember, she is the quiet, ladylike one, almost never annoying…and, well, let’s just say that despite my best efforts (including kicking Cleo out and shutting the door), I am now cuddling with:
And that’s only because David took pity on me and brought me his “fuzziest” stuffed animal after the cacophony alerted him to my plot. Plite. Plight. Oh, god, where is my MIND?
….DAWWW. Cleo is back….though she is on my legs, not my lap. Ok, mild punishment is understandable. Besides the killer whale props up my chin nicely for better zoning out.
In other news I am a) making a Big Decision out of Terrible Necessity tomorrow and b) woke up to my back left neck quadrant SEIZED UP.
WHAT THE F&^%. COULD THIS WEEK GET ANYMORE SHITTY. Oh god. I mean, short of Tragedy, class A, it couldn’t. It’s already been a kick in the head after being downed by a blow to the nuts kind of week. Obviously, details too private for a public blog.
I rarely have serious muscle issues like a 12+ hour spasm, so while I can pick out a few “reality” causes**, I tend to treat Unexpectedly Major Body things as Very Important Messages.
I am now Very Worried that I am Missing Something about this whole Big Decision. I mean, yes, I made the initial decision out of fear, because something really scary had just happened…
So. I don’t know if I’m missing something or self sabotaging (nauseated) or being hasty or stupid or making a necessary decision/sacrifice in the face of overwhlemingness.
Couldn’t it just be that I am being proactive and decisive? Maybe? Please?
Although the word “sacrifice” sure is troublesome.
And, holy f&^%. I actually made this same exact decision 5 years ago….out of fear, haste and illusion.
Ok. Going to seriously, seriously ponder this….after one more episode of Lost Girl.***
*I am very sad and scared right now. Cuddles and tv and cider have been the answer. Just fancy apple juice…still nursing my immune system.
If you think I got off easy last night, karma whapped me up side the head with today’s bouncy house birthday party. Saturday. Bouncy house. FREEZING COLD OUTSIDE. It was PACKED. I could literally feel my energy system go into hyper overdrive mode to maintain cohesiveness and functionality.
I’m ok, just sleepy. Had to spend the rest of the day in bed recovering. THIS IS WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE HSP, SOCIALLY ANXIOUS and recovering from the bubonic plaugue. I feel so afraid saying this ‘outloud’–what if you all think I’m LAZY.
No. Not lazy. Proactively protecting my health. My system, my rules. I mean, three hours of driving, public, screaming children and small talk? Fluorescent lights???
David had fun and my favorite mom was there. Possible client and a welcome invitation for a New Mexican themed Christmas Eve.
**There was particularly poor posture last night during couch cuddles while watching Mickey with David. I was fine and all set up at the table to Keep On Working when: “Well, the Holidays are about spending time together.” came out of left field from Amazing Child.
It’s like having the most adorable puppy add LOGIC to it’s woeful eyes.
I paused. The whole point of the movie was so I could continue working. But on my death bed, do I want to remember the night I kept on working while abandoning my child to watch a movie on his own? No.
So OF COURSE I shlepped into the game room and wrote/edited while David laughed his butt off to The Three Musketeers^ because I am a good parent, dammit.
And what do I get for not being a cold hearted grinch?
Screaming agony for 12+ f&^%$#$ hours.
EVEN LARGER SIGH.